Ordnance

Hay everybody!

2009-02-08T13:04:00.002-06:00

Sorry for being gone for so long. I've been busy being a new father and all that. I'll (hopefully) be posting some more in the near future, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm not dead. If you'd like more info about my wonderful daughter, visit my wife's blog (link at the right). She is doing a phenomenal job of keeping everyone up to date.

Humility

2008-07-25T11:46:00.007-05:00

Ok, so I guess I have some things to say this week.

This post is going to be the continuation of the tirade I almost started in my previous post about the current popular opinion most Christians share about humility. I guess I kind of gave that away in the post title. Oh well, I was never one much for subtlety.

My experience as a Christian coupled with my more recent experience as an adult who doesn't accept everything he's told has opened my eyes to a few erroneous beliefs that I have been taught in the Christian churches I grew up in. These are things that I feel very strongly about but have not been prepared to open up on---yet. Most are for another day. The truth about humility and how Christianity has butchered its definition I share with you now.

What got me started on this was my comment about how most Christians believe that to be humble is to debase themselves. By extension (and the mathematical and grammatical laws of logic) this would also mean that any Christians that think good of themselves are prideful. As I stated in my previous post, I'm acutely aware of my own strengths and limitations. This is not arrogance or pride. It's humility. It would be arrogant to believe I am any more or any less than what I was created to be. At that point, I have called God a liar. The unfortunate truth about our society is that most Christians are taught that true humility is about hating themselves and putting on a mask of "I'm not worthy". At the same time, they completely deny their own strengths and gifts. Even worse, they judge and often ridicule any Christian that does not hold the same view and think themselves superior for it. There were people who did this in Jesus' time. They were known as Pharisees.

The scripture that says "I will decrease, so that you may increase" has nothing to do with me whipping myself. It tells me that I get my selfish motives and self saving practices out of the way so that I can be the man God made me to be. There is absolutely no way I can do this without taking a long, hard look at myself in complete honesty and admit everything, both good and bad, useful and useless, divine and base, etc. Humility is the result of this self-searching. What Christians define as humility has the exact same overarching definition. The problem comes when they try to tackle the self-searching and complete honesty bits. For them, self-searching and honesty involves nothing more than taking a look at a mirror and saying "Look at what you are. You are disgusting in God's eyes. Why, He even compares you to filthy rags. Those are His words! How dare you argue with them!"

I've done a great deal of self examination over the past few years. All of it has been beneficial due to my reliance in God to bring me through it, regardless of the substance of the journey or the consequences of the outcome. The net result, so far, is that I have been given a small taste of the truth about who I am. Let me show you what real honesty looks like:

The statement above describing what I was taught as truth (about God calling me rags) is complete and utter bullshit. The truth is that I am "the delight of my Father's eyes." I am the son that he runs to, throws His arms around and says "my son was lost, but now is found! Throw a feast so we may celebrate!" The "rags" part is actually referring to my attempts to save myself and my self serving "acts of kindness", which are intended more for my benefit than anyone else's. It does not refer to who I am.

I am not now going and never will go to hell for saying bullshit.

I am going to make a damn, damn good father.

My heart is bigger than I can handle sometimes. I hope I can learn how to let other people benefit from it more.

Who I am is wonderful, strong, powerful, sincere, honest, loyal, trustworthy and enjoyable.

I do not always exhibit those qualities, and sometimes exhibit their opposites.

Who I am, who I truly am, pisses people off more so than anyone else I know. This is a good thing and they need to figure out what it is about their character that I grate against. Preferably, they need to figure out what "iron sharpens iron" really means and embrace the grating.

Tact and respect can go along way to showing others they are loved. This is a lesson I need more than most people I know.

Doesn't sound like something you would expect to hear in church, does it?

Humility is knowing who you really are, knowing that you don't know everything about yourself yet and you need to keep looking, and knowing that who you are does not confer superiority over anything. It is painful, sobering, uplifting and life saving all at the same time.
The pain comes from honesty. I don't like being honest with myself and when I am, it sometimes hurts.
"Sobering" is a woefully inadequate way of stating this. Some of the things I've done that are contrary to my nature come close to instilling in me what I believe the bible calls the fear of God. They are, at the very least, eye opening, and at their worst, terrifying to me.
Somewhere, at the very roots of my soul, I love who I have been made to be. Knowing my strengths and gifts and being proud of them is nothing less than the purist form of worship I can offer God. There is no greater power or joy that I have available to me, save that of Jesus' gift of sacrifice, than when I believe these 2 truths.
Finally, how can I use what I have been given if I'm not aware it's available to me? What good am I to anyone if all I believe and have been told is that I'm not worthy? None. I'm useless to God and to those lives into which I have been placed. If you really want to see what frightening and earth-shattering power you have, if you really want to see God wipe away years of soul-destroying pain from those you love and remove a lifetime's worth of shame and guilt, throw out what you have learned about humility and revel in who you are.

"Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
"Let people feel the weight of who you are, and let them deal with it."
- John Eldridge

Low Flying Parents

2008-07-25T11:03:00.007-05:00

My friend Cerberus on my airsoft team (Myrmidons, link on the left) used the phrase 'Helicopter Parent' on a forum post of mine over there. This is the definition he gave me when I inquired about the meaning of the phrase:

Helicopter Parent Noun or Adjective depending on usage.

A parent who is over protective of their child to the point that the child is smothered. Also known as an "attack parent" inside education circles.

Example: Parent who must increase the dosage of (insert medication here) because child has gone to summer camp. Because of issues with child being gone the child is no longer allowed to attend even a day camp.

Example: Parent who comes to school screaming how the child is hated and made to feel inferior because the child was caught cheating on a test despite previous warning that anyone caught cheating would receive a ZERO for the test. Parent then leaves screaming that they will sue everyone involved for mental cruelty to their child.

My response kind of went on a mini rant so I decided to post my thoughts here as well (yay! self plagiarism FTW again!)

I actually posted something about this here a couple of months ago. The attitudes and emotions I explain in that post about having our first kid actually apply to the way I've started viewing life in general.

I have minimal fear of the day-to-day terms of life (and that's really what the problem is with parents that are described above, fear) because I'm acutely aware of my own strengths and limitations. This is not arrogance or pride. It's humility. It would be arrogant to believe I am any more or any less than what I was created to be (unfortunately most Christians believe true humility is debasing themselves, but that's another post). I take care of what I've been created to be capable of taking care of, and I rely on God and other people for the rest. And it isn't the end of the world if I screw up my part. I correct and move on. This is where most parents screw up. They think they need to be perfect for their kids and that they need to "set the example". The net result is that they don't show them any vulnerability, making the kid feel inadequate and like they will never "live up" to their parents expectations. On top of that, the parents end up projecting their own selfish need for perfection onto their kids, so the kids are hit again with the message that "you will never be good enough".

True parenting is not about giving your kids a perfect example. It's about living honestly and vulnerably with them. They need to know they are loved more than how to act. Let them be who they are supposed to be by being who you are supposed to be.

I think a good way to sum it up would be this:
"If you've never apologized to your children, you're not doing your job as a parent."

Super Efficient

2008-07-24T15:45:00.011-05:00

I just made a post over at the WSGF (link on the right) and realized it would make a good blog post. Yay for self plagiarism!

So, I'm playing Stalker last night on my relatively new 8800GT (upgraded from a 7900GS) with Oblivion Lost 2.0 and version 2.2.2 of the Weather Overhaul Mod (if you've never played with this mod and have an 8 series or higher video card, get it. The difference in everything right down to the smallest shadow detail is amazing) when I says to myself "Self, these graphics are crazy good, but it sure would be nice if AA was compatible with Stalker's dynamic lighting engine. Too bad it isn't." Then I says to myself as I look slightly to my left "you know, that 20" Dell flat panel that is on your secondary computer has a smaller dot pitch than this 22" Westinghouse you've been staring at. I bet that would help." So, since I have both hooked up to my main computer, I head on over to that nifty Nvidia control panel and bop the screen over to the Dell.

*smackhead*
*facepalm*

Well, it looks like I forgot how much better images looked on that thing. Not just the dot pitch, but the color and gray levels are outstanding. Much better than the Westinghouse. But I like 22" of real estate.

I do this once about every 6 months. Use the Dell, miss the space. Switch to Westinghouse, tolerate the picture quality. Switch to Dell...ad-naseum. I know the answer is a 24". I also know my wife would behead, crucify, skin, impale and qaurter me and then kick my butt, all of which would be swiftly followed by a "talking to" that would be worse than any of it.

*sigh*

Maybe I can get one for Christmas.

P.S. Can anyone explain why the Dell would look so much better? The Dell is an E207WFP and the Westinghouse is an LCM-22w2. (For those of you on the blog, don't worry about answering this. It was a question for the forums.)

P.P.S. Comments about my better half were inserted purely for humor. She would actually support me (probably) buying one. I'm not going to because we have a baby on the way.

P.P.P.S Our first!! Yay!

P.P.P.P.S. also...it's a girl!! Yay!

A Socialist Free Market

2008-06-19T10:49:00.003-05:00

I have been an NVIDIA fan since my first GeForce 2 card way, way back in the day. I have never had any problems with their hardware, their driver support has been phenomenal, and they always seem to outperform ATI just enough to make them worth it.

Then I read this.

Apparently, NVIDIA has actually created a documented strong-arm policy called the UMAP. This policy dictates the advertised prices that retailers and etailers can show on their sites for video cards that have the same model of NVIDIA's GPU. As a result, you can no longer go to sites like Newegg and easily compare prices between different companies versions of those cards, such as the 8800GTX. You have to either click on the item itself or actually add it to your cart before you see what the real price of the card is. If the question you are asking yourself is "how can they do this", the answer is simple. NVIDIA is the 800 pound gorilla of the graphics processor market. According to the above article, Newegg refused to change their site until NVIDIA told them that they would no longer be allowed to receive cards with their GPU's on them if they didn't. NVIDIA can apparently control where the manufacturers send video cards with their GPU on it and as a result, Newegg has a new advertising policy for NVIDIA cards.

NVIDIA is claiming that the purpose of the UMAP is to create an even selling market between the different video card manufacturers by forcing all of their advertised prices for the same GPU to be either the same or not displayed at all. While that may very well be true, I absolutely cannot fathom how they could think that this will not destroy their sales. ATI must be having a field day right now. I don't know of anyone, except the most fanatical, diehard NVIDIA loyalist, who would not immediately choose another brand for the simple fact that they are easier to compare prices on now, let alone choosing someone else because of NVIDIA's sales practices.

Had I known about this a month ago, I would have bought an ATI card instead of an 8800GT, regardless of the performance difference or driver support. Even if NVIDIA rescinds the UMAP (which is apparently a possibility according to the article linked above), the damage has already been done. I will not give anymore of my money to a company who cannot differentiate between the ability to flex their muscle and whether or not they should.

(For any of you NVIDIA execs reading this who need a clue, the answer is you shouldn't.)

Regularly Scheduled Monthly Update

2008-06-09T13:22:00.006-05:00

Well, I'm a daddy. My wife's had a bun in the oven for about 4 months now and things have been rather nuts, so I'm going to take a few moments to journal out whats been going on.

Gaming
All MMO's have stopped. In fact, we got rid of the internet at home again because it was proving too much a distraction for the both of us. We now have plenty of time for each other, which we spend doing other things. At least we're trying.
I have, however, finally been able to get one of these. I've ordered a bunch of games that I haven't played yet due to not having the graphics chutzpa needed for me to really enjoy them. The games that I already had are really enjoying the face lift and look absolutely beautiful. Oblivion is still only running at around 25 FPS , but that probably has something to do with all of the massive community graphics upgrades I've downloaded for it and that I run it with everything maxed out, except AA. It is quite beautiful. UT3 also looks jaw-dropping. I showed it to a couple of friends and they want to go upgrade just from watching me play for a few minutes. I'm looking forward to Crysis, Hellgate London and Quake Wars: Enemy Territory, all of which should be coming in the mail any day now. I picked them up off e-bay, along with 3 other game for around $60. Yay for the interwebs.

Friends and Family
I'm really, really jealous of this guy and the friend I mentioned above about UT3. They both have one of these with this game and I'm pouting all over the place because I can't play with them. Someone call the whaaaambulance. My beautiful bride, however, is quite content with me not having one, seeing as how she's mildly worried that I would be lost to her forever. Whether or not that is true is irrelevant. She's pregnant and I love her. No PS3.
Speaking of pregnant, wow. How do I put this while maintaining the privilege of sleeping in my own bed...my wife has become...focused...on...herself and taking care of her and the baby. This tends to leave other things...at a temporarily lower proirity. Like feeding the animals. Or telling me she needs me to take her to work more than 5 minutes before she needs to be there. I've had to adjust quite simply because I'm a stubborn pain in the neck and don't like changes to my schedule. I've actually become quite good at kissing my wife and saying 'Yes dear' while turning red in the face. This is, of course, no fault of hers.
We still don't know whether we are having a boy or a girl, but I'll honestly be happy either way. I can screw up one just as good as the other.

Work
Don't get me started. Seriously. I have friends who read this blog that I work with and I'll get fired if I say what I really want to say. Normally that wouldn't deter me, but having a kid on the way tends to make one stop and think of someone other than themselves (to an extent). I can say, however, that I am actively looking for another job.

Baby
In case you hadn't heard, my wife is having a baby. I'm not scared of this. Most people, when asked about having their first child, say they are terrified. It's usually due to a fear of making mistakes and messing up their kid. I have no such delusions. I know that I will mess up my kids in some way, therefore, no fear. In fact, I'm kind of looking forward to it. I know that much of who I am today came from not being perfect. I don't learn from success. I learn from my mistakes. The great thing about having a kid is that when I make them, I can learn to correct them and teach them how not to make the same ones. The real trick is allowing God to break my heart so I can be vulnerable with them. That's the part that worries me a little.

Wife
I love her. More and more everyday. The only reason that I am a little worried (as opposed to really concerned) about whether or not I can really give God access to my heart is because of this very thing. If he wasn't already changing it, I would not be improving as a husband.

Role-Playing Game
I swear, I really want to keep doing this. Really! Don't give up hope!

And that's about it. We have our next ultrasound coming up in a few weeks and those games should be getting here soon. I may actually have more content to post before next month.

L. O. L.

2008-05-08T09:27:00.003-05:00

I've not really been to keen on keeping things updated on this blog, but this was entirely to funny not to post.

Click here for hilarity.

"The goggles, they do nothing!!!"

2008-04-09T09:08:00.003-05:00

The petition referenced in this article must be signed, right now, by everyone. It will be a great, great day when this guy stops making movies. (Yeah, I know he won't actually do it, but a guy can hope, right? Right?)

For those of you who don't know who Uwe Boll is, here are some references:

1 2 3 4 5 6

I am at a complete loss for words.

2008-03-04T12:36:00.001-06:00

EA finally gets a clue.

Ironman drool, LOTRO who? and Reality Stinks.

2008-03-03T09:39:00.003-06:00

First, this. Words fail me when I try to express the pure awesome that is that trailer.

Also, I managed to completely skip Lord of the Rings Online and go straight to EVE online. It's another mmorpg, but instead of a mind-numbing grind, it's fun.

Finally, I still hate games that are based on reality. They frustrate me to no end. Steve and Mike, sorry for the verbal assault. I'd love to play again with you guys, I actually did have fun. At various points.

World of Warcraft (AKA The Rabid Masses)

2008-02-20T11:52:00.006-06:00

I play World of Warcraft. I have been playing World of Warcraft for about 3 months. World of Warcraft is a massively multiplayer online role playing game, or MMORPG as it is known in the gaming community. It is a game that people pay a monthly subscription for so that they may log into a game server and play with thousands of other people at the same time. It has 10,000,000 subscribers as of January of this year. Ten million. For reference, the previous "big" MMORPG in North America, Everquest, peaked at just above 500,000 in January of 2005, and that number was considered borderline ridiculous.

I also play Lord of the Rings Online. I have been playing that game for 2 days. It has 200,000 current subscribers.

I'm going to be switching from World of Warcraft to Lord of the Rings, and the reason why has nothing to do with the game itself.

Putting gameplay, graphics, interface, usability and technical issues (all of which LOTRO surpasses WoW in my opinion) aside, the community is what has made the difference for me. After 2 days. Here is a great analogy that I came up with the other day that describes the difference perfectly.

If the community's ability to communicate with and respect other people can be compared to dining habits, then this is Lord of the Rings Online:

and this is World of Warcraft:

This is not an exaggeration. If my interactions with the people on my server for WoW over the last 3 months are any indication, 80% of the 10,000,000 people who play this game are either under the age of 13 or have severe emotional and intellectual handicaps. I'll refer to one of my firsts posts here as a great summation of all communication coming out of these people:

FF: "ZOMG!!!1111!!one ur moms a whor3e!!!1111"
GG: "STFU!!11111!!eleventyone! My 1337 skillz r0x0rs u!!!!"

This maddening exercise in communication with what are apparently lower life forms is what has prompted the move from one game to the other. Everything else, including the fact that I get to romp around in Middle-Earth, is just gravy. It is that bad.

I probably won't fully deactivate my WoW account since I still have friends that play that game, so send me a message if any of you are thinking about playing either one and I'll let you know what server to join.

"She's my people, man!"

2008-02-20T11:03:00.006-06:00

Being a geek has saved my life.

Ok, that's an exageration. It has saved the musician and I about $200 in the form of an "expired-tags" ticket, however.

About a month ago, my lovely wife was on her way to pick me up from work, a necessity since we have only 1 working vehicle. The tags on said vehicle expired in December of last year and she was pulled over about 5 seconds before she arrived at my building. The officer requested her license and registration, returned to his cruiser to write the ticket, and promptly returned and let my wife go. Sans ticket. Here is an approximation of the conversation:

(Sirens and lights go off, my wife pulls the truck over and the police officer comes to the window.)
"License and registration, ma'am."
(License and registration handed over as requested.)
"Are you aware that your tags are expired, ma'am?"
"Yes officer, and I was just on my way to register." (Convenient that the registration office is 1 block away from my office, isn't it?)
"Well, I'm going to have to write you a ticket anyway."
(Officer proceeds back to his vehicle and takes 15 minutes to apparently write a ticket, then returns to my wife and hands back her license and registration, noticeably not handing her a ticket.)
"Well, I called my brother in Michigan because I had some trouble understanding some of your bumper stickers. When I asked him about them and told him what was going on, he said to me "You can't give her a ticket, she's my people!" (yes, this is a direct and accurate quote). So I'm going to let you go without a ticket, as long as you head straight to the registration office. Have a good day."
(My wife heads to the registration office after a few moments of stunned silence.)

Now, why is this just the most awesome thing ever? Here are a couple of my bumper stickers (courtesy of Think Geek and Palladium Books):

Other stickers include ones with quotes such as "I brake for LAN Parties" and a Stargate bumper sticker that has "There's No Place Like Home" with the Stargate address for Earth around it (The Stargate one was made by a friend and is no longer available).

Apparently the officer's brother is also a self proclaimed geek and felt the need to stand up for his peeps. An act I will forever appreciate and chuckle about, every time I get pulled over.

Chain....blogging?

2008-02-08T13:27:00.000-06:00

So, I've been tagged. I normally hate these kind of things, but since it's from a friend and I don't have to tag anyone because she has already tagged everyone I would have, I'll play along.

1. Any time someone asks me to come help with a random, non-descript computer bug (i.e. "It just keeps rebooting itself", "Such and such a program doesn't open anymore", "The CD drive won't open." etc...), the computer stops misbehaving as soon as I step near it and never has the problem again. I never touch the computer. This has never failed to happen. Ever.

2. At 2 years old, I wanted to be both a fire-engine and a turtle, at the same time, when I grew up.

3. I have received praise for being an excellent musician, artist, teacher and leader from people who I consider either respectable in that specific field or a mentor, yet my current job is software testing and I do not actively participate in any of those endeavors.

4. I have never had a job for longer than 2.5 years.

5. I have been married once before my current marriage.

6. My wife's name is tatoo'ed on my left shoulder, close to my heart. This was my wedding gift to her as a symbol of my dedication to our marriage, since a ring had been to easy to throw away in the past. It has kept me from making rash and stupid decisions on more than one occasion. The names of my children will be tatoo'ed on my right shoulder. And no, I'm not a redneck.

7. I have never been drunk.

Firefox Misses IE, Nails Netscape Between the Eyes.

2008-02-06T09:46:00.000-06:00

AOL is done with Netscape, or will be on March 1 of this year. The notice on Netscape's blog, posted on December 27 of last year (yes, I know its over a month old), recommends that current users of their browser switch to Firefox, since that was what they were doing anyway:

"While internal groups within AOL have invested a great deal of time and energy in attempting to revive Netscape Navigator, these efforts have not been successful in gaining market share from Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Recently, support for the Netscape browser has been limited to a handful of engineers tasked with creating a skinned version of Firefox with a few extensions."

Isn't this akin to being mortally wounded from friendly fire?

De-lurking...on my own blog.

2008-01-16T12:25:00.001-06:00

I'm still here. The last 2 month have been...excessively busy. I will post again. At some point. In the future.

MMMMMMMMM, Overtime

2007-11-13T18:32:00.000-06:00

I am writing this post from my desk at work. I'm on the QA team for a health company and we have a deadline coming up in 2 days, so here I sit, wasting away while my computer tries to decide whether or not it's going to choke on the SQL statement I'm running. Actually, it's not that bad. We got free pizza for staying late and I get paid overtime since I'm a contractor, but I would still rather be at home playing something or working on the D&D campaign.

Recent gaming has involved this: BFME2:ROTWK (yes, that is really the acronym for the game title). It is a surprisingly fun RTS; it even received some game-of-the-year awards in 2006. I say surprisingly because most games that ride the coat-tails of a successful movie or book franchise suck. Bad. But this one is pretty good. One of the best parts of the game is the War of the Ring mode, where you fight across Middle Earth in a Risk-like strategic game, and when a battle starts you have the option of auto-resolving it or doing a full RTS session on the map. I recommend it for anyone who likes either type of those games *COUGHSTEVEMIKECOUGH*.

Well that sucks...

2007-11-07T12:16:00.000-06:00

LOLROFLZOMG!!!!! I r teh |<1ng fo 1337!!!111!!1one

Looks like I can reach more readers than my friend Paul...or something.

<-- Look Over There...Again

2007-10-13T03:11:00.001-05:00

I finally get the frickin color inversion thing working after spending about 5 hours on it and I get an e-mail from my brother telling me it doesn't work in IE. Big surprise.

I'm not wrestling with it anymore. I changed the widget so it's just a simple link to the Atom post feed. It displays all of the posts in an easy to read, black on white webpage. Problem solved.

<-- Look Over There

2007-10-12T23:27:00.000-05:00

I've added a new feature to the site for those of you who don't like the white letter on a black background thing I've got going on. Under the "Invert!" section to the left you will see 2 links. The first one ("Do It!") inverts the background and text colors on the page and changes the link colors to make them easier to read on a white background. The second one ("Don't Do It!") reloads the page, resetting the colors to the original state.

The code for this was unashamedly ripped off from these people.

Well, Poop

2007-10-10T17:51:00.000-05:00

I just found out that my boots will not be arriving until Monday, so no airsoft for me this weekend.

On the bright side, it's only been a day between posts! Yay me!

Dear God, I Suck at this.

2007-10-08T13:28:00.000-05:00

I really did not want to be one of those blog posters that said he would post frequently and then get to it once a month. Oh well.

First, in my last post I said I would be talking about Bioshock and Space Rangers 2. Enough has happened since then that those are no longer ground breaking topics for me, but I will mention that Bioshock is really, really fun if you can get past the super-ultra-mega violence and the ridiculous DRM issues they have been having. Space Rangers 2 is a game that, while it's localization sucks, is a tremendous amount of fun to pickup for 30 minutes to an hour every now and again.

On to current happenings.

In case you haven't noticed, the "Follow my DnD Campaign" column to the left has changed names. I'm not going to be dedicating a part of my blog to it like I was planning for 2 reasons:

1: Too much work. I just don't want to put the effort into writing up session reports and online character breakdowns when I could be using that time to enhance the game itself (or playing more video games).

2: I'm adding 6 people to the game. For those of you who don't regularly play pen and paper RPG's, that is a STUPID amount of people to add to a game with 3 people in it already, especially for someone whose GM experience is limited to one game--the one I'm currently GM'ing. I'm going to have my hands full coming up with enough content to keep everyone busy and engaged while also catering to play styles and I don't want to worry about trying to summarize all that on a blog page that I don't update as much as I would like any way. (Can I has a run-on sentence now, plz?)

The "why" behind adding that many people to my game is simple. I have a bunch of people that I am becoming good friends with who just happen to like to play games and, quite frankly, this is one of the best ways I know of for a group of people to have fun together. I also have gotten really comfortable with GM'ing and I am being told by my current players that I am doing a good job, so I want to push myself some more and improve my GM'ing abilities. I know that jumping out of the frying pan and into that blast pit probably isn't the best way to do that, but what can I say? I'm like Texas: I don't do anything small.

In other gaming news, I have been playing entirely too much Team Fortress 2. I won't go into a review because my friend Paul did a great one, but I will say that it is the most fun I have ever had while playing a game. It's not necessarily the best game I have ever played, but definitely the most fun. I took care of playing it too much, however, by getting another game and playing that too much, so everything is ok.

Airsoft also looks like it's going to pick up soon. I haven't played much in the past 6 months due to 100+ degree weather and financial issues, but I plan on playing on the 13th. It will be good to get out in the woods again with a bunch of other guys...blech. That sounded like a Deliverance reference. Any way, I ordered some new boots since my old ones, which are military style, leather, lace up boots, suck. I don't wear them enough to break them in so they always hurt my feet. Not fun when you have to wear them 2 days straight when playing a weekend game.

I'll probably wait until the after the 20th to post again since that is when my next DnD game is. I may need therapy after that, though, so don't hold your breath.

Time to Dust This Off, Part 1

2007-09-09T11:00:00.001-05:00

The real problem with not posting in a while is that when I do post, I have entirely too much to write about. You may want to go get a sandwich. This may take a while.

To start off with, my wife and I got back from vacation on Tuesday of this week. We went to Oak Island, North Carolina and stayed with my dad, his wife, and my brother and his family for 5 days in a rental house on the beach. I mean, literally on the beach. You walk out of the back door and you're looking at 2 dunes (to keep the really high tides away from the houses), 60 feet of sand and then 3000 miles of ocean. We had a blast. Here's a breakdown:

Thursday, August 30: Land at Wilmington International Airport at around 12 pm. We were supposed to get in by 10 am, but we missed our original flight. The airline was kind enough to put us on the next one for no additional charge. Ironically, that was the plane we wanted to be on any way, but it was $100 more when we were booking our flights. Yay for oversleeping.
It's kind of silly to call Wilmington's airport an international airport due to it only having 5 gates (as opposed to Atlanta's international airport, which has 191), but it was the nicest airport I've ever been in. Clean, spacious and lots of parking. We ate lunch after leaving the airport and headed out to the beach house. The first thing my wife and I did when we got there was run into the ocean. 5 minutes later we were headed back inside. I was stung by 3 or 4 jellyfish.
Jellyfish apparently move closer to land when there is sever weather over the ocean. There was severe weather over the ocean this past weekend. Treatment, as the hospital prescribed, consisted of rubbing sand on my leg for 20 minutes to get the barbs out, and then putting hot compresses on my leg. Scalding hot. For an hour. This was to take care of the burning and itching, which it did a fabulous job of until 2 days ago when my legs started itching as if I had a severe case of poison ivy.
My brother and his family arrived shortly after I raked my leg with sand and let my wife burn me with insanely hot wash cloths (God bless her, she really did a great job of taking care of me) and we helped him and his wife get their 4 kids and their stuff into the house. We had pizza for dinner and Steve (my brother) and I played a board game. Here are some links to the games he and I brought.

Friday, August 31: In spite of the previous day's shenanigans, I decided to brave the briny sea again. I mean, the odds of getting hit by a jellyfish 2 days in a row are pretty dismal, right?
10 minutes later we were rubbing sand on my other leg. After another hour of make-me-cry heat on said leg, I decided not to test the waters again. The rest of the day consisted of walking on the beach, a throw-seashells-at-the-sandcastle contest and more boardgames. For dinner we went to the Blue Water Point Restaurant. They have really excellent seafood.

Saturday, September 1: This was a fairly slow day. I went on a bike ride with my sister-in-law and nieces and one of my nephews while my wife and brother went into town for internet access. They had "responsibilities" or some such they had to take care of. I didn't pay much attention to what they had to do. I was on vacation. I also watched some tv and took a nap.
That night my wife gave a concert on the beach to which no one who said they would come, except the family, came. It was still awesome. She rocks. Check her out. She and I had a long, starlit walk on the beach after that, where we almost stepped on a dead fish. Ahh, quel romantique.

Sunday, September 2: The ocean has a funny effect on people. It...calls...to you, I think. Or maybe it's all that awe inspiring beauty. Or maybe I just was jealous of everyone else's ability to romp in the Atlantic while I, apparently, exude something that makes me some sort of culinary treat for jellyfish. Whatever it was, caution be damned! I was getting in that water and was going to have fun even if it killed me! Or stung me!
I was fortunate in that I didn't get stung again for the rest of the trip. I was unfortunate in that my body boarding skills were, how do you say...non-existent. The first wave I caught I did well on. Rode the board all the way to the beach. This served to increase my confidence in my "not there" abilities, so I continued with more gusto. The ocean laughs at gusto. I was rolled on my next 2 attempts and my back has the scars to prove it. The fourth time was the best. I got rolled, knocked over forward while trying to stand up, pulled back into the surf while trying to stand up again, fell over while trying to stand up and stepping on the board which acted like a banana in a Tom and Jerry cartoon, and finally falling over 3 or 4 times because I was laughing to hard at that point to get on my feet. I finally admitted defeat when, on the fifth try, my niece rolled over me after I had rolled again. Good times.
After that, I just played in the water and on the beach. That evening consisted of my wife making enchiladas for everyone for dinner (yummy) and more board games.

Monday, September 3: This was probably my favorite part of the vacation. This was the day that me, my brother, my dad, my 2 nephews and 1 of my nieces went to see the USS North Carolina Battleship Memorial. I had already seen it on a previous trip, but I enjoyed myself so much that I wanted to see it again. You basically do a self guided tour of about 80% of the ship, including getting into the 16 inch and 5 inch gun turrets, the bridge, part of the engine room and the entire main deck. They even have a working flak cannon on the deck that you can sit on and move. No ammunition, unfortunately.
The greatest part of the trip to the memorial this time, however, was my 3 year old nephew. He had so much fun that when we were getting ready to leave and my brother said it was time to go, he responded with "Go boat? Go boat?" He wanted to go back on the ship. After walking the whole thing. For 4 hours. He put the rest of us to shame.
We ate at a really good seafood place on the way back to the beach house and played more board games that night.

Tuesday, September 4: Time to go home. This was the first time I had spent more than 4 days away from home and had not wanted to return yet. Unfortunately, all things come to an end. We packed up the house, said goodbye to my brother and his family, and headed out. The first stop before the airport was actually further down the island. We went to take a quick look at the other rental properties down there because they are much bigger and next year we hope to have my sister and younger brother and their families out there. After that we went to eat at a burger place and then stopped at a Barnes and Noble to pick up a couple of sudoku books for the flight home. I am now thoroughly addicted to sudoku. It's like crack for the brain...which I guess is just like crack, when you think about it.
Anyway. Flew into nashville at about 8 pm, picked up our truck for $48 (long term parking is teh stupid. Don't do it), and went and got our dog from our friends. We were home by 9:30.

Overall we had a really, really good time, in spite of the attacks on my lower extremities, my back looking like my cat's scratching post, and the mild sunburn I got. I'm really looking forward to going again next year. Maybe I'll get bit by a shark. Sweet!

I'll post again in a few days about other happenings in my life. Specifically about this and this.

Not dead yet...

2007-08-24T15:57:00.001-05:00

Sorry about the severe lack of updates. I've been kind of busy lately. Finding a new job.

I got laid off a couple of days ago, so the blogging has suffered a bit. I'm also going on vacation next week (yeah, I know: I don't have a job. Oh well.) so I probably won't be posting much, if at all, for the next 10 days or so. I should be back in normal posting form after that.

This just in...Battlefield 2 Actually Eats a Human Alive

2007-08-20T00:02:00.000-05:00

Um...so...this whole "I'll post stuff about my D&D campaign in a few days" sort of got...derailed. By Battlefield 2. Too much Battlefield 2. It's not that the game is all that terrific (though it is fun), it's all those damn awards, ranks and weapons you can get by playing longer. It's like I'm that rat that keeps hitting the lever for cheese, but I just get shocked instead. Oh well.

I did manage to turn one of my sets of notes into a session report for the first adventure, however. I'll put that up just as soon as I come up with a place to put it so I can link to it.

By the way, if you're interested, you can check out my BF2 stats here.

Guitar Hero (For Realz) and TF2

2007-08-14T17:55:00.000-05:00

My beautiful wife is out with her good friend tonight, so I decided to take some me time. Before calling my wife's friend's husband (oh look, that's 3 degrees of Matt Evans!) I went on a search on YouTube for Guitar Hero videos. Just something I've been wanting to check out since I can use all the encouragement I can get with that damn game.

Ahem. Anywho.

While looking for said vids, I came across this. It's a video of a guitar player (OMG!! IRL!!*) who really knows what he's doing. Sorry to burst the bubbles of all of you Guitar Hero II gods who think you have leet skillz, but show me a video of you doing what he does, and you'll really earn my respect.

In other news, Valve has just released another Team Fortress 2 video detailing some of their philosophies behind game design. I have to say that I am really, really, really impressed with this group of developers. They don't just try to throw in the newest 3D technology into their games, they bend the technology to their collective wills to craft something that stands the test of time. I believe that this is what sets them apart from most other development houses. They exert a tremendous amount of thought over seemingly irrelevant environmental nuances within their games and the result is...well, it speaks for itself.

Ya'll have a good night. I'm going to blow crap up.

* OH MY GOD!! IN REAL LIFE!!

RPG Geekyness

2007-08-13T07:35:00.000-05:00

Did I mention that I'm a geek? I enjoy geeky things: building computers, Star Trek, board gaming (the real stuff, not the "family night" games). I even have a bumper sticker that proves it (yes, this is really on the back of my truck). One of my outlets for my geekyness is playing role playing games. I'm not talking about the virtual kind, although those are fun too. I'm talking about the kind where you get a bunch of friends together, sit down at a table and play a game.

I'm currently playing as a character in one game and running another as the GM, or "game master" for those of you not familiar with the lingo. While I will probably post about both, this blog is going to be focusing on the latter. At some point over the next couple of days, look for the column to the left to be updated with a bunch of info from the game I'm running. I'll have links to a storyline synopsis, session reports, stats of various defeated opponents and, if I can find a way to do it, character sheets of the players' current stats.

Why didn't this happen sooner?

2007-08-10T10:36:00.000-05:00

Left 4 Dead

Hundreds of zombies. Lots of weapons. 4 survivors. 1 way out.

It's such a simple equation. I can't believe it hasn't been done before. How many zombie movies does one have to see before saying "Oh man, I should turn this into a video game!"

I will be getting this the day it comes out. For more info, see the following:

Left4Dead411
Gamespy Preview
Shacknews Preview

The Fallout of Fallout

2007-08-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

"War, war never changes..."

Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past 10 years, you should recognize that as the opening quote from the first 2 Fallout games. Games recognized as 2 of the most innovative, creative and fun games of all times. Nay, games worshiped as the pinnacle of CRPG (that's "Computer Role Playing Game" for the uninitiated) development. Or at least, that's what the franchise's rabid fan base would have you believe.

And unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past 6 months, you've undoubtedly heard that Bethesda Softworks, creators of Morrowind and Oblivion, are creating Fallout 3.

...wait...did you hear that? That small snap? Yes, that was the sound of the all too familiar phenomenon in the gaming world known as "intelligent debate". It is a sound not unlike a twig, breaking in the forest...just before the trees uproot themselves and use each other as clubs. It was the sound that was heard on May 2 of this year, when Bethesda opened up their Fallout 3 teaser site to the world.

Now, for those of you who do not destroy your brain cells by browsing internet gaming forums, let me clear something up before I continue. The sarcastic quotes on "intelligent debate" above are there to denote...um...sarcasm. Here is a close rendition of how these conversations go:

Fallout Fanboy (FF): "Wow, they are finally making Fallout 3! This is going to be great. I hope Bethesda can live up to the quality Black Isle Studios put into their original game."
General Gamer (GG): "Sweet! I'm sure Bethesda can do it, just look at Oblivion."
FF: "Um, well that's what I'm kind of worried about. Oblivion had some problems at release, and I really don't want Fallout 3 to be 'Oblivion with Guns'."
GG: "Dude, it's ok, they know what they are doing. Look at the articles. Bethesda said they are fans of the series and are doing everything they can to keep the feel of the original. Geez, lighten up."
FF: "No, I won't lighten up. Black Isle Studios really knew what they were doing. I don't think Bethesda can match the feel of their original games. Don't tell me to lighten up."
GG: "You have no idea what you are talking about. Bethesda is going to make a great game. Just because you can't bring Black Isle back from the dead is no reason to get your panties in a wad over someone else making Fallout 3."
FF: "Listen, (insert 20 page dissertation on why Bethesda can't make Fallout 3, let alone make it well). And for your information, if I'm wearing panties, it's only because they're your mom's."
GG: "Oh yeah? Well (insert 40 page dissertation arguing FF's dissertation line for line, including quotes of EVERY. SINGLE. POINT.) And your dad sleeps with goats."
FF: "ZOMG!!!1111!!one ur moms a whor3e!!!1111"
GG: "STFU!!11111!!eleventyone! My 1337 skillz r0x0rs u!!!!"

Etcetera, ad nauseum. Don't worry if you can't read the last 2 lines. Those are the brain cell killing parts.

Now that my explanation of the general degradation of intelligence in gaming forums is complete, lets move on to the point.

I've often wondered why people get frothy at the mouth when the original developers of a series of games cannot or will not write the next iteration of the franchise. Other examples of this include the Freespace series, any other Black Isle game and Microprose's entire line of 4X games (Master of Magic, Master of Orion, etc). The fans go absolutely crazy when anyone other than the original developer wants to make sequels to these games. The guys and gals over at the HDP (the people who have upgraded and beautifully enhanced Freespace and Freespace 2 beyond believability) have their own saying: "If it isn't [V], it isn't Freespace"; [V] being the logo rendition they use for the developer of that game, Volition. Why this loyalty? This undying need to carry the flame of usually long dead development houses into the future?

Fear.

Loyalty is not the reason I see fans flocking to their respective gaming grails. I really don't think, that deep down, they hold any true altruistic feelings toward the original developers of those games. Don't get me wrong; I think those emotions are there, they just aren't the driving force behind going to arms over their games.

The announcement of Fallout 3 and all the reading I was doing on it triggered a small, happy emotion in my chest. Nostalgia, I guess. I remembered how much I thoroughly enjoyed playing those games. I would stay up hours and hours trying to find every quest, trying to get the best equipment, trying to beat that one last bad guy that I just couldn't overcome. It made me happy. I liked the way that felt.

What if that feeling were jeopardized? What if all the fond gaming memories I had were suddenly being threatened by a developer, other than the original, who wants to make a sequel? In my head, only the original developers obviously know how to get their game "right", so anyone else isn't good enough. I'm suddenly afraid. I may not realize it, I may call it something else (loyalty?), but in the end, it's fear.

Fear about a video game not making me happy like it's predecessors made me happy.

Kind of ridiculous, no?

For all the fanboys reading this right now, do me a favor. The next time you read a post that you don't agree with about that game that you so vehemently love and you find that little area in your chest getting warmer and your eye brows start coming together, remember; that's not anger you're feeling. It's fear. Fear that whatever game you currently feel the need to defend really won't give you that rush you had when you played the ones before it.

So before you respond, before you make your battle cry and try to rally the troops to the defense of what you see is an important part of life, pull your hands away from the keyboard and walk away.

It's just a game.

I finally dove in.

2007-08-08T09:21:00.000-05:00

After weeks of prodding by my friend Paul, I have finally started a blog. Yay me.

My initial concerns of what I would write about in a blog were dashed away by the comments on this post on his blog. It got me thinking about what I could write. What would other people really want to hear from me. Then it hit me; if they are reading my blog, they probably want to hear about me. Novel idea, no?

So that's what I'll be writing about. And seeing as how my main interests involve blowing things up virtually, shooting other people in real life, and using my noggin to come up with new and interesting ways to crush my opponents, i decided to name my blog Ordnance. Seemed to fit with the whole aggression thing I'm apparently into. I'll also be writing about other various things about myself, and will be using this space to post about a D&D game I'm running for some friends.

Thanks for visiting my blog. Let the me begin.